Yes, because I felt like writing. Writing to ease this tension, anxiety, frantic sense that has been surrounding me this week. I've been feeling all sorts of ways that I can't explain. Like the feeling of neediness. I told a friend of mine that he's neglecting me and he called me a brat. Maybe I was being a brat, but all I wanted was to hear his voice. (Is that too much to ask?) Anyways, he ended up calling and it was a temporary high that only made me want him physically there with me. But I digress.
I don't really get too personal on my blog when it comes to relationships and such, but then again I am trying to live a transparent lifestyle, which isn't easy of course. And today I just wanted to write. So whatever comes of this post is meant to be here. Judgement or no judgement. Since October started, I feel like more productivity should be in place for setting up my present as well as my future. Realigning my goals, plans, and seeking His guidance in it all. People this life is not easy, but when you stick it through you come out on top and you look back and smile, rejoice because you see how far you have come.
I am always attempting to be a better me, fighting against my old way, trying to lay foundation for the better things, but it's not easy. Gotta stick it through, be disciplined. My thoughts are all kind of over the place, because that's exactly how they are in my mind. Running rapid and sometimes running into each other.
Sometimes that all I can say, call on Him. There is a peace that falls over me, when I call on the name of Jesus. Strengthening power when He is at the forefront of my thoughts. Aligning together all the things that want to take over my mind, conquering them one by one. Jesus. The calm in the raging storm that wants to take over my body. Jesus. The comforter that caresses my soul when my body deceives me. Jesus. The truth that holds no judgement of my hypocrisy. Jesus. The love that holds my hands, looks me in my face, and whispers in my ear. Jesus. Oh Jesus. The power within that overcomes the attacks of the enemy, that tries to entrap us every minute of every hour of every day. JESUS. The quiet release of the tension, the fear, the anxiety, the persecution, the loneliness, and the self-destruction. Jesus. The corrector of all my faults, my wrongs, my sins. Jesus. The true lover of my soul.
Many of times I have these epiphany where I have the concrete solution to the problem, but there's like cement on my legs preventing me from acting on the solution. Jesus be the help, be the motivation, be the courage.
As I slowly take deep breaths, close my eyes and surrender. I am nothing. Nothing more then just pure dust collected in form for His Glory. So may the things that I say, and do be reflections of God goodness in me. Sometimes that view is tainted because of our self infliction's BUT GOD.
So friends, do today what yesterday did not produce and what tomorrow we will not find to do.