Sunday, December 4, 2011

God, I and Life

As I sit here outside my apt enjoying the view and sound of my neighborhood from my porch, I ponder on my life. I woke up this morning and wanted to stay in bed, well I did stay in bed reading a romance novel til about 2pm. I figured I wouldn't be able to do this 4 days in a row, so I rolled over and decided to have ice cream for lunch, or whatever the first meal of the day should be. I figured I should be doing something rather than stay in bed, so I decided to come out here instead and relinquish my thoughts to you.

Three years ago I moved to Texas, wanting to move away from Florida. I wasn't running from anything or anyone, I just detested the place. I felt complacent there, so the first chance I got to move I did. Trust that Texas was not the first place that came to mind, but when God is the captain of your ship, all you can do is trust Him. After moving to Texas I had a lot of preconceived thoughts in my mind that until July of this year were all wrong. I much appreciate Texas for what it is and what it has done for my life. Texas itself is not what matured me, but the people that God allowed to show me His way is what made all the difference. I went through many stages in my life just in the span of three years and as I was leaving Texas to embark on a new journey, I told my family that I have tasted the goodness of God and I refuse to turn back. At the mature yet tender age of 25 I learned to communicate with God in ways that are parallel to the ways Abraham, Moses, and David had. I would have daily conversations with God and would have a clear understanding of the goings in my life.

Now away from my safe haven/wilderness of San Antonio, Texas, I am where my heart has always wanted to be:Brooklyn,New York. Ever since driving through on a road trip back in 2007, I have fallen in love with the city. And after that trip, I was set on living here. And finally in 2011 I am where I am suppose to be. Even after doubt that I should move and fear of not being financially set, I am here. My time spent in Texas was not in vain, though the short period of four months being in NY may seem so, but it definitely was not. Somewhat like David, after treacherous moments of sin, he would fall down at the feet of God with a continual pursuit for His love, grace and mercy. Yes even after years of being clean from my old ways of sex, alcohol and lies I found it easy to fall back,but with much resistance. See I now have the tools of worship and intimacy with God to be consumed with this world. The key to falling isn't wallowing in it, but it's in the getting back up, recognizing the how and asking for forgiveness and forgiving yourself.

So here I am, out on my porch, reviewing these last couple of months and determining that tomorrow will not be the same as yesterday. Beginning today my convictions of who I am; the daughter of a King will no longer go unnoticed. I will no longer accept the mediocrity of being someone who accepts the unacceptable either to society or myself. I will pride myself in being comfortable in who I am wherever I go. I will be continually consumed by the spirit of my Father, and I will walk in His good graces that He has set out Just for me.

So between God, I and Life is my purpose.

-Divine Beauty

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