Friday, November 30, 2012

Confessions {Relationships}

I can be self-fish and not consider the feelings of others. (WHEW, wipes forehead).

For those of you that know me, I've never really been in a serious relationship. Sure I've used the title boyfriend, and have dated and such, however nothing serious enough that I would consider a true relationship. So now, that I may be embarking on one, I'm learning a lot about myself and having to be clear about what I say.

When it comes to my feelings and emotions, I am not the most vocal person, however baby (that's what I'm calling him) is very open and vocal and kind of expects the same from me. I am not saying that I can't get there, I'm just saying that it will take time. The last time I expressed my feelings to the opposite sex, it was not received the way I wanted it to be received  Then I just crawled back into my shell and built up walls around my heart. You know, the heart is a very sensitive matter and should not be given to just anyone. Ever gave your heart to someone and they never received it? Hurts right? Yea buddy, sure does. It was just left there exposed and out in the open. But I digress.

So now here I am, letting go emotion by emotion, small pieces of myself, hoping just the same that the words he spoke to me weeks ago about his love for me, will carry through with me as I ponder on our relationship.  Hoping that they will only continue to be true and brought forth in deed, what was said.

So yes, sometimes he may say something that he thinks is funny, but that doesn't mean I will find it funny. At least not all the time. Yes I know I can be real short with people, when they don't understand what I saying, and yes I am known to be real sensitive and moody, and yes I would cut you off if I didn't get my way, BUT, I have grown. I am still growing and trying to understand being in a relationship. I haven't had to consider someone else's feelings for like over 4 years, so I'm comfortable doing for myself, and he's gung hoe about doing for me. A girl gotta get use to that.

I am understanding that it will not always go my way nor on my timing. And honestly I am praying that God is in the mist of our growing relationship. I know it won't be easy, but I do know that with Him in between us, in our thoughts, daily spoken word and in our relationship, it will be well worth it. I'm not perfect nor do I ever claim to be, I know my ish stank, so bear with me as I journey along as we give and take of each other.

.....the beginning phases

If you guys out there have any advice, feel free to comment below.

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