The Last 2012 Post

I wanted, needed the last post to be a sweet one. God has been and is so good to me. Farewell to 2012, the year where I gained more wisdom and made decisions for myself. Where I gave love and received love. I traveled, I experimented, I laughed, I cried. All in all, I made it thru. Here is to you. You who stayed and saw it thru. Much love leaving 2012. May 2013 bring forth the utmost, unexplainable, daring days ever. May the pace of God, the love of God, the strength of God be with each of us.

Love,
Divine

Hard Love {Relationships}

Love should never be hard to do. Hard to have, be, nor hard to express. Yet, here I am in a "Hard Love" situation. We have misconstrued what love is by trying to live through the fantasies of books, TV shows and movies. And then disappointment happens, when our love doesn't end up like Disney Princess stories. The world have lied to us many times about love and how it should be, or at least what they think it should be. Clearly stated in the Greatest book known to us, is that God is Love. HE Love us so much that He gave His only SON, to die for us. Who would honestly allow man to slay their only child? What a God we serve. God's love for us is unconditional. Without conditions. Without preconceived notions. Without bias. Without limit. Without the fear of the unknown.

When I uttered the words 'I Love You' doors opened up to a world I tried to keep away from. With each word that pressed thru my lips, my heart broke off a chip that held on from fear and hurt. When I exhaled my sentiments into your ears, I thought I would have opened doors of bliss and comfort truth, but instead I opened doors of criticism and blame, hurt from your past, that is not mind to carry, but here I am trying to love you with all your faults. I am just human, the child of God, unable to carry such weight. It is not mine to have, please spare me anymore hurt, anymore blame, anymore fear of what I do not know. Christ died, so that your insecurities can be taken away. He died, so that you can be free from your past, and all of your evil ways. Don't get stuck in between what use to be and what is. Call it out and claim freedom. When I stepped into the words 'I Love You' I grabbed a hold of you, hoping that you will see the Love that only Christ can be.

Sometimes we are captured by this misconception of what Love is. Love is free from revenge. Love is your voice I hear on the other end of the line, feeling as if you are next to me even though I know you are truly thousand miles away. Love is forgiving you for hurting me immaturely. I am a vessel filled with this Love, but my love can't go through bricks of pride and ego, it can't go through cement blocks of hurt and fear, it will not go through shattered glass of your past. As much as I want to love you, hard love I cannot do. I was once emotionless to you, but from the second 'I Love You' left my lips, emotion-filled is what I became for you.

I look at the moments and think, this can't be it. Distance will never be a reason why I can't love you the way I should love you nor me.

This is for you Love. Clear to everyone, clear as day. See it how you will, but I wasn't born to be Hard Loved. I don't know why you love me, but I do know that I can't sit around waiting for you to find out. I'm all the way in, that is........until you shut me out. And right now, I'm feeling pushed out. So, baby clear as day are these words from me to you. Take them as you will. I refuse to be Hard Loved. Love should never be hard.




****Walking away is never easy when your heart is open and free, but walking away is needed when you heart is too open and needs to be free****

From: Me
To: Him

If...randomness about Me

Found this on a friends blog, figure why not get to know me, just a little bit better.

• If I were a gemstone, I’d be a ruby.
• If I were a scent, I’d be a mix of lavender and vanilla.
• If I were a pair of shoes, I’d be bedroom slippers.
• If I were the weather, I’d be Autumn first breeze.
• If I were a facial expression, I’d be sleepy smile.
• If I were a car, I’d be a Range Rover.
• If I were a time of day, I’d be Sunrise.
• If I were a month, I’d be November.
• If I were a place, I’d be home. 
• If I were a liquid, I’d be sweet wine.
• If I were a taste, I’d be spicy.
• If I were a sea animal, I’d be a dolphin.
• If I were a food, I’d be Pasta.
• If I were a color, I’d be purple.
• If I were a musical instrument, I’d be a keyboard.
• If I were a flower, I’d be daffodil.
• If I were an object, I’d be a food processor.
• If I were a fruit, I’d be a mango.
• If I were a sound, I’d be a baby's giggle.
• If I were a day of the week, I’d be a Saturday. (Love my lazy days)
• If I were a nail polish color, I’d be Royal Purple.
• If I were a bakery treat, I’d be a warm croissant filled with chocolate and cream.
• If I were a store, I’d be Macy's.
• If I were a season, I’d be Autumn.
• If I were a perfume, I’d be Ed Hardy (the original).

Quote Me Tuesday

"When you love someone, the best thing you can offer is your presence. How can you love if you are not there?"- Thich Nhat Hanh 

Found Here

Pausing Time

Source

Based on the title of this post, can we really pause time? Of course the answer is no. No matter what we may think or try to do, time will continue to run out, pass us by, and simply tick and tock. Seconds creating minutes, into hours, into days, weeks, months, and years. At a point in our life we will look back and let's hope that what we see is our goals being completed vs the same problem we've had years ago still in the forefront.

Sometimes I like to press pause. Not so much on time, but on my life. Pausing, yielding because sometimes we can be living too fast for our own good.

Imagine if there weren't any stop signs, or traffic lights to tell us when to go, slow down and stop? What if there weren't any speed bumps, or even pot holes in the road. I sometimes see these things as good pauses in life. Does anyone ever realize how fast they are going until they crash? I rather heed the signs to slow down and take a moment and reevaluate what's going on around me, in me, in front of me. There is nothing wrong with stepping away for a while, to fine tune the craft and gift that God has given us. Just like a car needs to be refueled with gas, or its oil change, and what about the tires? They get burnt out too.

So here I am, taking a pause. Considering that this is the first day of the last month of 2012; which 2012 has been a BLESSED year indeed for me, I do not want 2013 to be the same. I've learned a lot about myself and the friendships, family-ships, relationships that I am in. So, I'm pausing. Pausing from the planning, pausing from the over-thinking, pausing and simply loving. Loving God, Loving myself, Loving those around me, embracing them and being in them.

Step back and pause for a moment. Refresh yourself, so that you can only be the best you. However long you choose to pause for, just don't forget to press play.

-Daphne

Confessions {Relationships}

I can be self-fish and not consider the feelings of others. (WHEW, wipes forehead).

For those of you that know me, I've never really been in a serious relationship. Sure I've used the title boyfriend, and have dated and such, however nothing serious enough that I would consider a true relationship. So now, that I may be embarking on one, I'm learning a lot about myself and having to be clear about what I say.

When it comes to my feelings and emotions, I am not the most vocal person, however baby (that's what I'm calling him) is very open and vocal and kind of expects the same from me. I am not saying that I can't get there, I'm just saying that it will take time. The last time I expressed my feelings to the opposite sex, it was not received the way I wanted it to be received  Then I just crawled back into my shell and built up walls around my heart. You know, the heart is a very sensitive matter and should not be given to just anyone. Ever gave your heart to someone and they never received it? Hurts right? Yea buddy, sure does. It was just left there exposed and out in the open. But I digress.

So now here I am, letting go emotion by emotion, small pieces of myself, hoping just the same that the words he spoke to me weeks ago about his love for me, will carry through with me as I ponder on our relationship.  Hoping that they will only continue to be true and brought forth in deed, what was said.

So yes, sometimes he may say something that he thinks is funny, but that doesn't mean I will find it funny. At least not all the time. Yes I know I can be real short with people, when they don't understand what I saying, and yes I am known to be real sensitive and moody, and yes I would cut you off if I didn't get my way, BUT, I have grown. I am still growing and trying to understand being in a relationship. I haven't had to consider someone else's feelings for like over 4 years, so I'm comfortable doing for myself, and he's gung hoe about doing for me. A girl gotta get use to that.

I am understanding that it will not always go my way nor on my timing. And honestly I am praying that God is in the mist of our growing relationship. I know it won't be easy, but I do know that with Him in between us, in our thoughts, daily spoken word and in our relationship, it will be well worth it. I'm not perfect nor do I ever claim to be, I know my ish stank, so bear with me as I journey along as we give and take of each other.

.....the beginning phases

If you guys out there have any advice, feel free to comment below.

November 2012

Greetings November,

I know I'm a tad bit late since it is the 6th day of the month, however, better late then never right? RIGHT! So any who, November is going to be a busy fun-filled month. So far it started off with me working from home, thanks to Hurricane Sandy. 

Source: Google

 I am on week 2 of working from home, I'm not complaining at because the realness of it, is that I roll over and I'm at work. Especially with the temperature dropping, it feels good to respond to emails and answer calls while snuggled up under my comforter. However, my heart does go out to those families that have lost some or everything. I really don't know what else to say, it could never be easy to go through that, but I know everything will come together. It's the "through" part that is never easy.

On more specific topics, today is ELECTION DAY! As women, as African American's, as Haitian-American, as whatever-American please go out and VOTE! Many of those before us fought for this right and it is in our best interest that our voice be heard. Understand one thing and understand it clearly, my confidence nor my trust is not in the next president, but it is in the Almighty King Jesus. So do what you have in your power to do and go VOTE.

Source: Google

There's also a couple of fun visits that are up and coming, but I'll post about those later, don't want to ruin anything. As we know Thanksgiving is coming up in a couple of weeks and I am UBER excited for two reasons! 

1. I LOVE THANKSGIVING (FOOD FOOD FOOD) 

Source: Google

2. I'm going to Michigan to visit my cousins!!!

Source: Google

The last time I was in Michigan was back in 2006, so its been a while since I traveled up there. I'm also excited to meet my baby cousins and reacquaint myself with the others. Who knows, maybe I'll even cook something. 

Well friends, here's a toast to November. May the joys of family, friends, and love surround us.

-Daph