Open Doors {Relationships}

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With the New Year at our beck and call, well actually alive and pushing I'm having a blast so far. 2013 was received at my home church with my mom and that oh so awesome Soup Jou mou (Ask about it!) which I still don't know how to make....yet! Any who after church I spent some time with the uhm...uh..boo. We're still in the talking phase with an exclusive understanding. We know we want to go further and that this is long term situation.

 I called this post Open Doors because in relationships not only do I believe that men should be gentlemen and open doors, but that there should be open doors so that there is an acceptance of new ideas, truths, and everything else that comes with love. Now that there is a mister in the picture (aww that almost ryhmed...hehehe) and we've both expressed our love for each other, I am really praying for Open Doors, spiritually,  mentally, emotionally and all the other -ally's.I am praying that we are able to seek God's guidance  in each step we take with each other, that God will be the strength that holds us together. Even when we fall, because we will fall, that we are able to get up and walk over and through what it is that tries to block us.

I really want this brewing love between us to not only work, but to prosper, to be be an example to others. I pray, LORD I pray that the things that trouble and bother him be given to you, so that he can find rest and a peace in his spirit. Those things that are not of you and that are blocking you from entering in, may he conscientiously give them up. May your strength overcome our weakness.

[I had an entirely different thought for this post, however sometimes you can't stop the fingers from what the mind is telling it to write]

To my young Queens and Princesses pray for your Love. Ask for an understanding so that confusion nor fear enter into your relationship. Lift him up before the Father and see your words manifest before your eyes.

Love,
Divine

Hard Love {Relationships}

Love should never be hard to do. Hard to have, be, nor hard to express. Yet, here I am in a "Hard Love" situation. We have misconstrued what love is by trying to live through the fantasies of books, TV shows and movies. And then disappointment happens, when our love doesn't end up like Disney Princess stories. The world have lied to us many times about love and how it should be, or at least what they think it should be. Clearly stated in the Greatest book known to us, is that God is Love. HE Love us so much that He gave His only SON, to die for us. Who would honestly allow man to slay their only child? What a God we serve. God's love for us is unconditional. Without conditions. Without preconceived notions. Without bias. Without limit. Without the fear of the unknown.

When I uttered the words 'I Love You' doors opened up to a world I tried to keep away from. With each word that pressed thru my lips, my heart broke off a chip that held on from fear and hurt. When I exhaled my sentiments into your ears, I thought I would have opened doors of bliss and comfort truth, but instead I opened doors of criticism and blame, hurt from your past, that is not mind to carry, but here I am trying to love you with all your faults. I am just human, the child of God, unable to carry such weight. It is not mine to have, please spare me anymore hurt, anymore blame, anymore fear of what I do not know. Christ died, so that your insecurities can be taken away. He died, so that you can be free from your past, and all of your evil ways. Don't get stuck in between what use to be and what is. Call it out and claim freedom. When I stepped into the words 'I Love You' I grabbed a hold of you, hoping that you will see the Love that only Christ can be.

Sometimes we are captured by this misconception of what Love is. Love is free from revenge. Love is your voice I hear on the other end of the line, feeling as if you are next to me even though I know you are truly thousand miles away. Love is forgiving you for hurting me immaturely. I am a vessel filled with this Love, but my love can't go through bricks of pride and ego, it can't go through cement blocks of hurt and fear, it will not go through shattered glass of your past. As much as I want to love you, hard love I cannot do. I was once emotionless to you, but from the second 'I Love You' left my lips, emotion-filled is what I became for you.

I look at the moments and think, this can't be it. Distance will never be a reason why I can't love you the way I should love you nor me.

This is for you Love. Clear to everyone, clear as day. See it how you will, but I wasn't born to be Hard Loved. I don't know why you love me, but I do know that I can't sit around waiting for you to find out. I'm all the way in, that is........until you shut me out. And right now, I'm feeling pushed out. So, baby clear as day are these words from me to you. Take them as you will. I refuse to be Hard Loved. Love should never be hard.




****Walking away is never easy when your heart is open and free, but walking away is needed when you heart is too open and needs to be free****

From: Me
To: Him

Confessions {Relationships}

I can be self-fish and not consider the feelings of others. (WHEW, wipes forehead).

For those of you that know me, I've never really been in a serious relationship. Sure I've used the title boyfriend, and have dated and such, however nothing serious enough that I would consider a true relationship. So now, that I may be embarking on one, I'm learning a lot about myself and having to be clear about what I say.

When it comes to my feelings and emotions, I am not the most vocal person, however baby (that's what I'm calling him) is very open and vocal and kind of expects the same from me. I am not saying that I can't get there, I'm just saying that it will take time. The last time I expressed my feelings to the opposite sex, it was not received the way I wanted it to be received  Then I just crawled back into my shell and built up walls around my heart. You know, the heart is a very sensitive matter and should not be given to just anyone. Ever gave your heart to someone and they never received it? Hurts right? Yea buddy, sure does. It was just left there exposed and out in the open. But I digress.

So now here I am, letting go emotion by emotion, small pieces of myself, hoping just the same that the words he spoke to me weeks ago about his love for me, will carry through with me as I ponder on our relationship.  Hoping that they will only continue to be true and brought forth in deed, what was said.

So yes, sometimes he may say something that he thinks is funny, but that doesn't mean I will find it funny. At least not all the time. Yes I know I can be real short with people, when they don't understand what I saying, and yes I am known to be real sensitive and moody, and yes I would cut you off if I didn't get my way, BUT, I have grown. I am still growing and trying to understand being in a relationship. I haven't had to consider someone else's feelings for like over 4 years, so I'm comfortable doing for myself, and he's gung hoe about doing for me. A girl gotta get use to that.

I am understanding that it will not always go my way nor on my timing. And honestly I am praying that God is in the mist of our growing relationship. I know it won't be easy, but I do know that with Him in between us, in our thoughts, daily spoken word and in our relationship, it will be well worth it. I'm not perfect nor do I ever claim to be, I know my ish stank, so bear with me as I journey along as we give and take of each other.

.....the beginning phases

If you guys out there have any advice, feel free to comment below.